Forefront Families

Many parents would be surprised if they realized what percentage of time was spent in negative talk in the home.  Some homes are like one never-ending war zone.  This environment is very tiring and destructive for both parents and children.  It is important for parents not to hammer their children on every little thing. Children will learn much faster if we concentrate on one area of improvement at a time for correction, and at the same time praise liberally for things done right.  Once one area has been mastered, they can move onto the next one.

CASE STUDY 1

Four-year-old Adrienne was playing with some play-dough at the table when two-year-old John climbed up on a chair and poked his finger into the ‘cake’ she was making.  Adrienne yelled at him and mother came running.  “No, John! Leave Adrienne alone!”, she scolded. 

John walked over to the kitchen cupboards and started pulling out all the pans.  Each landed with a loud crash.  Mother snatched John away, scolding him again.  “No, John! Do not make a mess with the pans!” 

John toddled over to the dog’s bowl and spilled the water all over himself and the floor.  “No, John! Now I am getting very angry.  Stop being such a bad boy!”  John sat on the floor and cried.

Star Points

Each lesson a child learns needs to be dealt with in a timely fashion.  Mother could have taken him away from Adrienne’s play-dough and explained that he should not spoil Adrienne’s play. Mother could then have given him some play-dough of his own to play with at another counter and praised him for making his own "cake."

John made three bad moves in the space of 10 minutes.  He was reprimanded each time, and because it was in such quick succession, he felt his mother and sister didn’t love him anymore. When children are reprimanded constantly, they become confused and feel like they can’t do anything right.  Helping John find something constructive to do as a diversion would ease the frustration for both the parent and the child.

CASE STUDY 2

Jane was ten years old and had three siblings. Her parents both worked.

“You haven’t cleaned up your room, Jane?”, her mother asked. Two minutes passed. Her mother returned to Jane’s room and began shouting again, “How many times do I have to tell you to finish cleaning up your room? I also told you to tell your friends to stop phoning you at dinnertime, Jane. By the way, don’t let me catch you sticking gum onto the bed head again!”

Jane sat dejected at the end of her bed as her mother raved on and on.

Star Points

	A ten-year-old child may be reasoned with.  A simple explanation of tasks to be done, the expected outcomes, and the consequences for poor performance should prevent parental ranting and raving.  The child learns quickly when they know what is expected, a parent sticks to the agreed consequences should the task not be done, and praises a child when the task is done well.  A child will tune out when the verbal nagging is unceasing.
	A child needs to learn from an early age that there are responsibilities and chores to be done as part of living in a family. These tasks need to be shared amongst the family members, and done before the fun things.
	It is important for parents to make a list of their children’s poor performances, determine their order of importance and deal with them one at a time, praising them after each negative performance has become a positive one.

CASE STUDY 3

Seventeen-year-old Matthew’s father gave him a credit card with a credit line of $5,000. Wow!

After he had treated his friends to the movies several times, bought a new bike, some football gear and another skateboard, the first credit card bill came in.  His father nearly exploded. 

Matthew’s mother came in from the laundry room shaking her head.  “I don’t know how many times I have told Matthew to take his wet swim shorts out of his bag.  They’ve been there for weeks!  I will never get the mold off them now.” 

Matthew was riding his new bike down the driveway and accidentally scratched the paint on his dad’s new car.  “That’s it, Matthew! You have crossed the line.  It is time we had a serious talk about all these stupid things you are doing that are driving your mother and I crazy.”

Star Points

	Parents need to explain clearly to their children the expectations that accompany privileges.  Matthew had no idea how to manage a credit card. His father should have explained to him how to use it wisely before he gave it to him – if indeed he should have given him a credit card at all.
	Matthew’s mother should have dealt with Matthew’s disobedience over his swim shorts a long time prior to the “how many times have I…” speech,  rather than allowing the disobedience to continue.  The consequences of moldy shorts may have been NO new shorts unless he buys them himself, or wear the moldy ones.
	Matthew’s parents should not have waited until several things had made them angry before confronting Matthew.  With three frustrating incidents being brought to his attention at once, Matthew would likely think his parents were simply in a bad mood and just picking on him.