Forefront Families

Mitch’s world was shattered when his wife decided to leave the family.  He was father
to three children 14, 12 and 10-years, and a physician in a very busy city ER. Mitch
was so busy at work, he had not spent time cultivating friendships in his off-duty
time. When his marriage broke up, he had no-one to talk to about his troubles.  He 
wore out his work colleagues whenever there was any down time.  Sympathy was
running out for him. 

Without anyone else to confide in, Mitch turned to his children.  They got to hear it all:
what he thought of his wife’s decision, what he thought of her as a person, how their
marriage had been until their break-up and so on.  The kids were not able to give him any advice but he kept right on talking and talking and talking about his anger and resentment.  The kids felt helpless and hurt.

What parents need to understand is this.  Discussing marriage problems with one’s children is totally inappropriate because:

a) Kids are a captive audience and are less able to excuse themselves when they feel uncomfortable about the content of the conversation.
b) Negative things are being said about their beloved other parent.
c) They become burdened and overwhelmed by the stress of something they can do nothing about.
d) They often feel responsible for the break-up because they are too young to understand.

Parents need to shield their children from parental tensions.  Parents should seek out
adults, and where necessary, professional counseling to assist them.  If children need to be brought into such discussions, then the conversation should be age-appropriate and in small enough doses that the child can assimilate it.

A parent’s responsibility is to provide a peaceful, safe and loving home for themselves
and their children.  A very effective way of ensuring a positive environment is to create a set of strong family values which describes what peacefulness, safety and respect for one another is, and will look like in their home.  If such an environment seems to be unattainable, then, for the sake of everyone, professional help should be sought.