Forefront Families

In previous articles we have discussed the importance of having a strategy or
planning our family life In advance.  We have stressed the need to create strong
family values, and to be deliberate in training our kids (and ourselves if
necessary).  By being positive role models, being well-disciplined, and being
consistent in all of these aspects, we form the backbone of being extraordinary
families.  There are further important aspects to consider.

Spending quality and quantity time with all family members.  `Quality time'
is when one individual gives another their undivided attention for a period of
time.  `Quantity time' is the amount of time it takes to make the quality time mean
something. 

Let's look at quality time first.  When someone gives me undivided attention,
how do I feel?  It makes me feel valued.  It makes me feel good to think someone
enjoys my company.  It gives me opportunity to learn skills more quickly as
well as learning to listen.  It allows time to talk about how we feel about things
and about each other.  It leads me to believe that another person thinks I might
have something positive to add to their life experience.  Every family member
needs to experience quality time with each other.  We tend to think of this being a
parent-child activity, but kids also need to learn the benefits of spending quality
beneficial no matter how little the time.  This is not the case. 

Five minutes of quality time is worth almost nothing compared to half an hour of
undivided attention every 48 hours, or maybe two hours once a week.  How can
we experience this value in only a few minutes a day?  If you feel that you are
currently unable to spend this amount of quality/quantity time, then you may need 
to go back to your family values and re-prioritize them to ensure each family
member experiences valued personal time. 

Why not have dad/daughter and dad/son outings?  How about family camping
where the whole family can enjoy one another's company?  Mom/dad weekly
date nights are fun, too. 

Encouraging one another.  Encouragement comes under the value heading of
`positive communication' or `giving value to one another'.  If we stop to listen to
our kids at play, what is the tone of conversation?  If we stop to listen to our own
communication, what do we hear, and what do we not hear?  It is said that about
70% of household communication is negative.  You will know how your family is
doing by observing your table talk.  Kids need to hear encouraging talk around
the home.  They need to hear terms of endearment. They like you to ask them
about how projects are going, and for you to encourage their efforts.  Adults need
to be encouraged, too.  How?  By noticing and commenting on the effort that has
been made.  Look for things that have been done or said where you can give
praise.  This needs to be two-sided.  When kids hear it from adults they will learn
how good it feels to give and receive encouragement and will more than likely do
it in return.