| Kid's Privacy In The Home |
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This morning I saw an article by Bonna De La Cruz in the local paper, titled ‘Bigger homes stifle family time’, so I was immediately interested. The point being made was that more and more kids now have their own bedrooms or ‘mini apartments’. They often contain TVs, DVDs, computers, phones, en suites etc. All of these ‘bells and whistles’ have created a complete entertainment center and kids no longer feel they need to mix with other family members. Gone is the need to share, communicate, or learn to get along with brothers and sisters. Bonding is in jeopardy and relationships are in danger of becoming superficial, reports De La Cruz. When the issue of privacy was mentioned in the article, I knew I had to add my thoughts. Should kids have privacy in the home, and if so, how much? As kids reach their teen years they begin to become independent, to have their own space, and to a certain extent, privacy. But what are we really meaning by the term, ‘privacy’? Here are some examples. Bathroom, dressing and grooming privacy is a given. From the time a child is two or three years old they need to start learning about modesty. It is important to teach them to dress in the privacy of a bedroom or bathroom, to keep a towel around them when they have no clothes on and to keep their briefs on. Every child (especially as they reach pre-teen years) needs to feel there is a place they can go, or something they can do, to ensure some personal privacy. What we need to teach them is the kinds of things they should and should not keep from others. Kids need to know not to talk to strangers or allow anyone to touch particular parts of their bodies. When an adult tells a child that ‘this is our secret’, and proceeds to abuse them, a child needs to already know that the situation needs to be exposed immediately, whatever the adult threatens as a consequence. Kids make mistakes and poor decisions, where it is important for their recovery that the situation is kept on a ‘need to know’ basis. One of our kids did something once that was totally out of character. They asked us never to tell anyone what they had done and we honored that request. They took the punishment and never ‘passed that way again’. Had others known about it, our child could have been ‘branded’ and their journey marred for years because of it. Teens should be able to have friendships with the opposite sex without the whole family knowing all the details. Girls should be able to express their innermost feelings and thoughts in a diary without it being the right of siblings to pry into it. Kids can treat their rooms as their own space, but they should not expect to bar parents from entering. Parents have a right to explore every nook and cranny of their kids’ rooms and should be aware of all of their kids’ activities. For safety reasons teens should not be permitted to take their boy/girlfriends into their rooms and close the door. This is asking for trouble. Parents should not air their private disagreements in front of their kids. They should use their own private space for these matters. Home is where a group of people learn to live together, share stuff, settle quarrels, and have their ideas respected. Home is a place where they can safely make mistakes, learn to accept one another’s differences, encourage each other, and bear one another’s burdens. A healthy home discourages isolation and, while respecting privacy, encourages a true sense of identity and belonging by treasuring just being together. God bless our families. |
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