Forefront Families

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, in an article in USA WEEKEND (January 15-17, 1999) states, “In a quarter century of calls to my radio show, I’ve never had a parent lead with, I have very decent kids.”

She says she has never seen a sticker that reads, My child is an honorable student, or My child holds the door open for their elders, or My daughter doesn’t gossip. Is goodness perceived as having little competitive value? Is being smart, attractive or successful more important to some parents than their child’s character or virtues?

During the sixteen years I was principal of alternative schools in New Zealand and the USA I regularly asked my students to think ahead to being parents (some already were!). I asked what they would do differently than their parents. Inevitably, revealing their own secret longings, the kids said that they would spend more time with their children, even if it meant having a lesser job, and that they wanted to see that their parents loved them - to show affection. Many of these young people, in an effort to gain a little affection or attention, would turn to their friends, become gang members or negative attention-seekers, or intentionally become pregnant. 

The way we behave, whether acceptable or inappropriate, whether displayed by a child or an adult, it is most often the result of what we learned as a child through formal or informal teaching, observation of others, neglect or omission.  Genetics and physical impairments can play a part, but I believe that the majority of behavior is learned. It is up to us, as parents, role model good behavior. If we don’t, they will learn from us anyway anyway. Not only do they learn from us but they learn from what they see on TV and from their friends.There are many influences competing for our children’s attention, many that parents find difficult to prevent.

If you want to raise great kids, then you have to be great parents.  What you say, how you live, and the values you display are the things your children have to model on. Your kids are mini 'you'.

You know you are doing a pretty good job as a parent when:

• People who have observed your children in different settings, tell you that your kids are a credit to you.
• You can trust your kids to be responsible, and they are.
• Your teenagers show affection to you in front of their friends.
• Your children demonstrate a strong work ethic (they learn this from your example) and don’t have to be coerced into doing homework, chores or employment.
• Without being asked, your kids take care of their chores.
• Your teenagers don’t want to leave home the day they turn 18.
• Your 12-18-year-old wants to go on vacation with you.
• Your kids allow you to drop them off in front of the school.
• Your children like you.
• You don’t move without a forwarding address while your kids are at Summer Camp!
• Your kids get to become adults and you haven’t lost your marbles.