Forefront Families

We would all agree there is incredible power in words, both spoken and written. There are words that have greatly influenced history and changed lives.  In the Bible, God’s Word is considered so great that they spell it with a capital W. There are words that have influenced people so convincingly that whole groups have cut themselves off from society and eventually committed suicide (Jonesville Mass Suicide, Guyana, and Waco, Texas, and the Californian group that were waiting for spaceships to rescue them).  There are inspirational words that have rallied the flagging spirit (Winston Churchill’s famous speech), and words that have implored a nation to think of others instead of just themselves (J.F. Kennedy).  Words such as Martin Luther’s passionate speech, “I have a dream…” have changed people’s attitude towards segregation.  There are words of wisdom (Mark Twain), and words of the Gettysburg Address (Abraham Lincoln).  Words create knowledge, encouragement, laughter, sadness, entertainment, romance and every kind of feeling imaginable.  There are words we remember and those we forget. There are words we wish we could remember and those we wish we could forget.

The words we never forget tend to come from those nearest or those we are accountable to and, strange as it may seem, we tend to remember the negative words spoken into our lives far more readily than the words of love and encouragement.  Why is that?  Within our makeup there is the need to be accepted.  Therefore, whenever words are spoken that indicate a lack of acceptance, our memory bank grabs and stores them.  When we have a very large ‘deposit’ of positive words, they tend to counter the fewer negative ones.  Those whose memory banks have a large deposit of negative words will find it much more difficult to receive, believe or remember positive words.  Words spoken into us during our early childhood shape our entire lives.  I worked with a girl who always described her son as good and her daughter as a ‘hellion’.  If she was saying it so readily, imagine how a little girl’s life was being influenced by such a description.  I cannot emphasize enough the importance of filling our kids’ memory banks with positive words.  Words of encouragement and praise will cause a child to develop confidence and hope.  When children hear only negative words, they feel insecure and are much less likely to have high expectations of themselves in later life.

The other day my husband, Brian, was talking with his 60 year-old friend John who said that he had been deeply hurt recently by his 80 year-old mother.   She told him, in a fit of frustration, that she wished he had never been born.  He said it wasn’t just what she said that hurt, (his mother has some dementia) but it was the hateful look in her eyes that seared his soul.  He said he just cannot seem to get over it.  Words, once spoken, cannot be taken back.  There is a line in a country song that says, “Forgiving you is easy, but forgetting takes the longest time.”   We can train our brains to think and speak positively about people and to people, instead of being critical.
The lack of words can also deeply affect a person.  Not to be told you are loved and accepted can create insecurity and a lack of connection.  Many people think that their kids ‘know’ how they feel about them without having to be told.  We all need to hear those words, “I love you”,  “I am glad you are part of my life”, or “I am incredibly proud of you.”  One day recently Brian decided to write to our son and tell him just how much he loves him and how proud he was of him.”  When he received the card, Jared said that it was just the thing he needed to hear at that time.  I bet he never throws that card away.  Let’s fill our kids’ memory banks with so many positives that they never experience a negative balance.