Forefront Families

All of us, especially children, need to feel wanted and nurtured.  One of the primary ways that children experience love and nurturing is through warmth and affection.  In my long career working with disadvantaged and troubled youth, many of them have suffered from love deprivation. Often, these youth attempted to satisfy this need for connection through sex, drugs and gangs, and they became uncomfortable with healthy affection because they were not used to the feelings it invoked. 

One of the primary ways that kids experience intimacy and connection is through affectionate caring modeled and received from their parents, giving affection to others, sharing quality time, simple acts of kindness and selflessness like letting others go first, and giving and receiving encouragement. It is important to note here that love is NOT indulgence (giving in to a child’s demands or the giving of material things). 'Stuff' costs a lot and leave no legacy. Ask a child about their fondest childhood memories or the thing they most wanted from their parents, and you’ll likely hear them talk about the time spent—or not spent—together, enjoying each other. 

People that have come from families where affection was not displayed openly often have difficulty showing affection to their children. The cycle often continues until an openly affectionate role model enters the family structure.  I cannot stress enough the need for displays of affection between parents, and between parents and children, even if it feels difficult or unnatural to you. If it is alien to you, you CAN change—seek professional help if you need it—for the sake of your child’s healthy social, emotional and physical development. As husband and wife, affection will foster a healthy marriage too. If you are a single parent, you may not be able to model affection with a partner, so when friends or relatives are around, show affection to them, and be affectionate with your children.

So how do we teach our children to show love?

• Be an example.  If it is uncomfortable, practice it or get professional help.
• From an early age, discuss with your child what it means to love someone.
• Be around affectionate people.
• Hug your children and hold them every day.  Tell them you love them.
• Spend time with your child in fun activities that encourage expressions of love.