Forefront Families

Are your kids sassy or argumentative?  Do you ever wonder how on earth they got that way?  There are many reasons.  There is also good news.  You can change their behavior.  I was speaking with a church Pastor the other day and he asked, “It is OK to argue with your kids isn’t it?”  A little red flag went up in my head, which is why we are discussing this subject today.

Let’s look at sassy talk first.  Why do kids answer you back?  Is it because their friends speak that way to their parents?  Is it because kids at school speaking disrespectfully to their teachers with no consequence, or because they see this kind of behavior on their favorite TV programs?  Has it become a cultural norm?  Have your kids seen you, as parents, speaking disrespectfully to one another, or is it because they have been allowed to speak rudely to each other?  The simple answer as to why your kids are sassy is because you let them. 

          Here are some suggestions on how to change this negative behavior in your home.  Choose ‘respect’ as one of your strongest family values.  Decide what respectful talk will look like in your home.  For example, ‘respect in our family means we always speak kindly to one another.  We do no raise our voice to one another.  We do not interrupt when someone else is talking.  We are courteous to all authority figures – our parents and our teachers.  Explain your expectations to your children and allow a short grace period for them to get it right.  Teach them how to resolve conflict and manage their frustration appropriately.  Be an effective role model.  Praise your children when they are respectful.  Create consequences for disrespect.  Your children will rise to your expectations especially when you encourage them.  No-one likes living in a ‘war like’ environment.  It is extremely stressful and counter productive. You can’t control world standards and trends but you can control the level of respect in your own home by setting clear expectations about how your own children treat you and others.

         Is it OK to argue with your kids?  The Pastor I referred to earlier said he argues with his son partly because it is a habit from his own past, but that he also thinks it was a good way to get his son to vent his frustrations – get his issues out in the open.  When people argue, they are not listening to the other person’s view.  Instead, they are using aggressive tactics to make a point that the other person is not interested in and does not agree with.  Arguing does not achieve anything.  Instead, it pits one person against the other.  It is a ‘no win’ situation.  A more fruitful approach is to encourage kids to discuss their concerns, hurts and fears, by becoming aware of their emotional state and spending time just listening to them.  Kids need to know it is safe to share their feelings with you.  It is a perfect time to show them how to deal with their issues in an objective rather than subjective manner.  Sometimes you need to make an attitude adjustment towards them.  Thee discussions are often a learning experience for parents as well as children.

         Maturity comes from training and experience.  When you look around you, you will immediately see those who have really mastered the skill of effective and respectful communication.  They stand out in a crowd.  This can be your family.  It starts at home.  It starts with you.

If you have any comments or stories on this subject please contact us at management@forefrontfamilies.org