Forefront Families

Raging teenage hormones leave most parents wringing their hands with worry, and parental control is threatened when peer pressure rises and family values are threatened. Previous methods of discipline become ineffective when dealing with a miniature adult who wants more control over the direction of their own life. Parents that experimented with drugs and sex in their teenage years may feel they cannot enforce values they did not adhere to themselves. Some parents say their own parents were tyrants and choose to allow their kids to do whatever makes them happy.

Many parents reflectively wish they’d had stronger boundaries set by their parents, but do not know how to create them for their own children.

Parenting teens can be a very scary experience, with a lot of boundary-testing and sleepless nights.

CASE STUDY 1

Twelve-year-old James had always been a 'good' kid; that is until the new neighbors moved in and James started spending a lot of time with Johnnie. His teacher started noticing the change in his behavior at the same time James’ mother did. He was becoming more uncontrollable, arguing with his mother and refusing to obey. He wasn’t finishing his homework and was sent to the Principal’s office for being disrespectful.

James’ mother didn’t know what to do, so she made an appointment with the Principal. The Principal called for James and together they talked.

Star Points

	When respect is a strong family value, and when it is being modeled consistently in the home, children are less likely to be influenced negatively by others.
	When parents guide a child’s choices with experiencing consequences as part of the learning process, children learn to make mature decisions. They learn to anticipate outcomes, rather than learning by their own mistakes.  When they make poor choices, they do so in the safety of their family's support.
	If a parent notices dramatic behavioral changes in their child, the situation should be addressed immediately. The child may in fact, have been threatened or physically compromised and is acting out in fear.
	The child may need to be reminded about the expected code of conduct, and consequences need to be enforced where the rules are violated. Negative behavior doesn't need to become a habit.
	James may have to be prohibited from spending time with Johnnie if his behavior continues to be affected.

CASE STUDY 2

Fifteen-year-old Tia was confused about sex. Her friends talked freely about their sexual experiences and she felt left out. She asked her parents how they handled the pressure when they were teens. Her Mom said she got pregnant before they were married and didn’t feel they were the best role models for Tia. She then asked an aunt who simply said, “You shouldn’t get involved in a sexual relationship until it feels right. Tia didn't know what that meant either.

Her boyfriend was starting to pressure her to take their relationship further, but she was uncomfortable. She didn't know who to turn to.

Star Points

	Even when parents feel they didn't handle things well as teens, they can still adopt strong values for their family and train their kids from infancy.   Kids don’t understand gray areas.  They want clear expectations.
	When parents explain why they have adopted particular values, then children are more inclined to accept these values as being for their own protection, comfort, or well being.  They will also most likely pass these values on to their own children when they experience the security strong values bring.

CASE STUDY 3

Eighteen-year-old Raydon lived at home with his parents and two younger brothers. He had never questioned the family ‘rules’ until recently when he started college. Things came to a head when his father found out that Raydon had taken a girl to his room and closed the door, thus breaking a family rule. When confronted, Raydon became annoyed and told his father that he was old enough to make his own decisions. His father replied that as long as Raydon remained in the family home, he would have to abide by the family rules. He also reminded Raydon of the unnecessary pressure he was putting on himself and his girlfriend by being alone together in this manner, and the example he was being to his brothers.

Star Points

	Parents need to anticipate that their children will question or challenge family values. By openly discussing theirs and other peoples’ values, it assists the maturing process in the young adult, helping them make wise choices.
	Family rules need to stay in place for all family members living in the home.
	Children need to realize that they are role models for their younger siblings.