Forefront Families

When I was first married I thought it would be so cool to have twins.  When I did get pregnant the Doctor looked at my large stomach, shook his head and said, “No amount of wishing, hoping or praying is going to get two kids out of there, Sally.”  I was so disappointed.  Away flew my dream of having two little boys dressed alike with the same name initials.  Now I realize there was something wrong with that dream.  While I was thinking how cute my little ‘look alike’ bundles would be, I wasn’t considering their feelings or thinking of their individuality at all. 

Recently, I was on Sunday School duty and a young mother of twins came in with only one of her little girls.  I asked her where the other one was and she told me she was out with Daddy visiting Grandmother.  She said she liked to give her twins time away from each other so they could develop their own identities.  What a sensible mother she was!  Perhaps it was just as well I didn’t have twins, although I must confess I keep wishing multiple births upon my children.  Strangely enough they don’t share my enthusiasm!

Multiple births have an up and a down side.  Identical twins are often very similar in personality, whereas fraternal twins are often quite different in temperament.  Their individuality needs to be considered.  It has been said that ‘social development of twins may be affected by the parents not being able to give two same age children the amount of attention a single child would get’.  Twins may feel the need to compete for attention and become jealous of one another.  It means for them having to learn to share time and resources at an earlier age. 

Twins ‘togetherness’ may make them more hesitant to socialize with others.  Young twins may sometimes lack confidence when separated.  Individual attention and special treats may help boost their confidence in being apart.  Allowing them to make their own choices about clothing, fun adventures, foods and toys encourages a feeling of individual worth.  Also, encouraging them to express their own opinions, having their own friends and pursuing their own interests, promotes personal value.  Being a twin means having a friend and confidante.  It implies having support during new experiences like starting school.  School Principals are usually very open to a parent’s suggestion for their twins to be in the same classroom or separated, depending on how they work best.  Parents of twins are often the best judges of this. 

I saw a program on identical quads that were about to start school.  The mother wanted to divide them into two sets so each would have one sister in the class.  Even then one of them took some time to get used to the new experience away from Mom or the other two sisters.  As they grow older, twins especially need their own space, should be encouraged to pursue their own dreams and eventually choose individual careers. 

Parents of multiples need as much support as they can get.  They need time to have recreation, and it is good for kids to be cared for by someone else.  Multiple birth parents…take up those offers for baby-sitting and enjoy a night at the movies or at the beach all by your selves.  Peace for a moment and relationship with your spouse pays huge dividends! This is so important.

If you have any comments or stories to share on this subject please contact us through our website on www.forefrontfamilies.org