Forefront Families

Twisting and twirling. Forever busy. Life seems a blur. It’s the 21^st century after all, and that’s just the way it is! Unless they are constantly on the move many people believe something is wrong. Their children pick up the pace their parents set and believe that what they see is normal. Stress levels become exceptionally high and Prozac sales rise. Counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists continue to make their profit from our ensuing dysfunction.

      Children today find it very difficult to sit still. It’s as if they have ants in their pants. Having worked in the education system for 37 years and at every level of school, my observation is that generally kids seem to always be on the move. They find it difficult to focus on any one event for a prolonged length of time. Visit a classroom and see how many children stay on their seats more than 15 minutes. Some stand. Others sit on their legs. Some lean back in their chairs while others see if they can intertwine themselves with the chair frame. Another child gets up to throw something in the trash, while another gets up to sharpen their already sharp pencil. Then there are the restroom stops!

      There are a number of reasons why kids cannot sit still. You might reasonably say they are bored. Generally, the reason is that we have not trained our kids to sit still and listen. Sitting still and focusing are two skills that we adults have often not mastered ourselves. Kids are great imitators and we are models, for good or for bad. No wonder many business executives are turning to yoga, meditation and other Eastern philosophies for respite. Our culture has lost its roots in this arena. The Bible says, “Be still and know that I am God,” and that we should…“meditate on God’s word.” So forgetting our own heritage we look farther away for answers.

      I advocate that we take steps to change this mad hurly burly lifestyle.  Let’s analyze and prioritize our activities, building rest and stillness into our schedule. We need to do this for our children, too. A very effective way to train your child to be still is to start when they are toddlers. They can start with ‘blanket time where they are to stay on the blanket with some toys or a book for a short time. You can also place your child on your knee and tell him that you are going to play a game or read to him and see how still he can be for a short period. Wrap your arms around him. If he wriggles, give a little squeeze and say, “Hush.” Once he has mastered that, gradually increase the time until he can sit still for 30 minutes quietly reading rather than watching TV or playing video games. Never give up on the process. You need to win the game.

      It takes training, and training means going over and over an activity until the skill is mastered. “Why,” you may ask, “are you making such a big deal out of sitting still?” My answer is that we need to shape our kids for the real world. They are going to have to sit still in business meetings, at college, in church and other public gatherings. It’s a discipline and kids need to do to be able to appreciate and focus on what’s going on around them. It is important that they learn toappreciate a sunrise and a sunset, to listen to birds or the sound of insects. When our kids were small we would leave home prior to sunrise and return home following sunset in the winter. This meant that we were able to see daybreak and dusk. Sometimes I pulled over to the side of the road and said, “Hey, guys, look at that amazing sunrise!” We would sit there a few minutes to watch the awesome display. They really do appreciate the beauty of nature when we take the time to draw their attention to it.

      Children today are bombarded by technology and media images. They do not have to focus or be involved in the process. It hits them in the face. They often find it very difficult to focus on a speaker. Before we can conduct a Support-Team meeting at school I am required to observe the particular student’s behavior in the classroom. I have found in the process that they are not misbehaving so much as just not focusing. It appears that they have never been taught how. Many teachers do not demand their students’ attention. As a result, comprehension is incomplete and learning may be impaired.

        It is up to us as parents to train our children in these vital skills…to be still and to focus. Many parents believe their child to be ADD or ADHD because they are hyperactive or cannot focus for long on any one activity. I have seen true ADHD children whose behavior can be changed through training and diet rather than prescription drugs. (That is a subject for a future story). To me many children proclaimed ADHD by their physician are merely exhibiting the result of poor parenting in some cases and a lack of intentional training in others.

      For the love and sake of your own children, and to fit them for the real world, create a training program such as the one described above. Specifically focus their attention on an object or scene for a set period of time. You will see great change as a result and will probably see better grades coming from school.

      Chill out. Enjoy life and resist rush. Spend time on the important things of life and avoid bustle. You’ll feel much better and wonder why you didn’t do this long ago. Be encouraged. Parenting is the hardest job on earth. The pay’s not good, but the joy and rewards are enormous when you take the time to do it well.

If you have any comments, questions or stories please contact us at:

management@forefrontfamilies.org