Forefront Families

Corrective action tends to be a very subjective thing.  I’m sure we can all recall times when we have been too harsh, too lenient or have just ignored altogether the offences our children made.  Should we excuse negative behavior by thinking of it as ‘a learning experience’ or that our kids will ‘grow out of it’?  Do we just expect that ‘boys will be boys’, and that throwing tantrums to get their own way is just a typical ‘little girl thing’?  Should we make strict rules and reprimand our children every single time they step out of line? How can we, as parents, train our children to behave as responsible, caring, mature members of family and adult society?

      I believe the following to be a successful recipe for more objectively managing negative behaviors.  Children do not understand right from wrong unless they are taught.  It is astonishing to find young people in today’s society who literally have no conscience.  Parents need to consistently demonstrate and discuss the way they want their child to behave – as individuals, towards authority figures, as part of a group, team or family.  Parents need to train their child to follow the family values they have set in place.  This involves parents explaining their expectations, showing their child how to meet them, and then letting their child practice to get it right.  A child needs and want to know what the boundaries are that his parents have set, and understand the consequences for violating those boundaries.  A child becomes insecure when parents are unpredictable in their response to negative behaviors.

      Children respond much more readily to praise than they do to being chastised repeatedly.  With training and praise, kids will rise to your expectations.  When parents make so many rules that their children feel they are wearing a straight-jacket, they become fearful, frustrated and often feel they can’t do anything right.  In this situation parents have complete control and the children have no latitude at all.  This often leads to a lack of confidence because the children have constantly been told what to do instead of being able to figure things out for themselves.  They often don’t learn how to make wise choices and often rebel against their parents and any authority figure as they get into their teens.  Children who have grown up with few or no boundaries have a very hard time fitting into a society’s expectations.  They may also rebel, refusing to accept the authority of others because of their feeling of entitlement.

      Successful behavior modification requires a balanced approach.  It involves plenty of training, with positive role modeling and lots of praise mixed with corrective action when necessary. Occasionally it is not necessary to correct a child at all.  “You mean let him get away with something?”  Sometimes the consequences of the infringement is enough to teach him a lesson.  It is very important to manage your children in a firm, fair and friendly manner.  Next, encourage your child to talk about how he feels and to ask how to respond to particular issues.  When children feel valued as family members they are much more inclined to conform to expectations.

      If you have any thoughts or stories on this subject, please contact us on management@forefrontfamilies.org