Forefront Families

Recently, friends of ours experienced a rebellious episode with their 15-year-old son and this had bought them to us for advice. Their son, John, had become progressively more disrespectful over the last few months and had recently sneaked out of the house at night to meet up with a girl.  Answering his cell phone before arriving at his destination was probably not the cleverest thing to do without checking the caller ID.  His father must have heard a noise, checked his bedroom and found him missing.  Sprung!  They said he couldn’t handle having his own cell phone.  They were right.  In one month he had sent or received over 2,000 text messages, mainly to and from girls.  The cell phone was confiscated of course.  John continued to be moody and balked at every parental request to do chores or simply help out.  Does this sound like a typical teenager?  Some of it does. 

      What bought his parents to us in despair was that he had run away a few days prior and was later found with condoms in his possession.   We sat and talked about their situation for a long time. Their family had been through some rough patches, but they considered it to be a loving environment.  John had worked very closely with his father in a side business on Saturdays and it appeared that they had developed a positive relationship.  Both parents loved the Lord.  So did their John until, in an angry outburst towards his parents one day, he declared that he didn’t even know whether God even existed because He never answered John’s prayers.

      It was surprising to see this dramatic change in John’s life.  In my experience, such a rapid transformation is often associated with drug taking.  He had been meeting with other talented young musicians in a popular park to play their music.  It was only after this summer activity that the rebellion surfaced.

      John’s mother admitted to us that she had come from a very dysfunctional family where yelling and making negative statements were the order of the day.  She stated that it had not been a happy home and that she was modeling the only kind of behavior she had ever known from her earliest years.  While she knew yelling and screaming at her spouse and child was not a healthy thing to do, she confessed that she struggled with changing.  She said she had been very hard on John.  She had home-schooled him and really the two of them didn’t get a break from each other.  John was being raised in an isolated environment where it appeared he received more negative talk than affirmation.  Thus the rebellion! 

      Parents, by our behaviors we can put a curse on our children and generations to follow.  Alternately, if we raise our children in a loving, affirming home and the memories are very positive, we place a blessing on our children’s lives.  What our children experience from how we raise them usually becomes the way they will raise their offspring.  If our way to speak is to scream and shout at our spouse and children, then that is what they will probably do in their families.  If we use sarcasm and putdowns, nagging, and our body language is negative, that is more than likely the behavior our children will adopt.  We do it and think that we can get away with it, but our children are bawled-out by us if they act the same.

      Parents who lack self-control in this way sometimes in their anger make outrageous statements that can destroy their children’s lives for the future.  ‘You’re just useless and lazy.’  ‘You were a mistake!’  ‘You’re just like your father (uncle, grandfather etc)!’  ‘You’re a demon!’  ‘You’re evil and you’re going to hell!’  ‘You’ll never amount to anything!’  These are curses you place on your children and generations to come.  They won’t forget the negative statements they hear and it will shape their future.  Don’t be surprised if the statement you make becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!

      The job of ‘parent’ is tough and we do have to guard what we say and be careful how we act.  The great thing is that we can arrest the power of generational curses through asking the Lord to break the chain of curses and replace it with blessing.  The best thing to do as far as the negative side is concerned is never get into that position.  However, if you recognize some of John’s family’s behavior in your own, then get help.  You can change.  We all can.  An effective home starts with you being a great model and ensuring that your children are corrected appropriately.  Your home environment must be positive and your words affirming.  Simply being a Christian doesn’t cut it!

      If you have any stories or comments, please communicate with us on our very comprehensive website where there is over 300 pages of free help for parents:     management@forefrontfamilies.org