Forefront Families

Every December we tend to make resolutions to start the New Year.  For the most part, I don’t think we really think too much about making changes prior to the big countdown and the ball dropping.  It seems like a good idea because of tradition, but within a day or two we forget what we chose to work on and go back on autopilot.  We eat too much, cave in on our new exercise regimen and forget about our resolve to only say positive things about others.  Ho, hum!  It turns into the same old, same old – “Second verse, same as the first!”

      Maybe we are approaching this ‘fresh start’ thing the wrong way.  The only way to make resolutions stick is to seriously think about what we want to change, what it will look like when we change and what it is going to take to achieve that result.  We have to have a doable plan.  Habits are hard to break.  They form in several ways.  We do what our parents do.  We do what everyone else is doing.  We fall into doing what is easiest or most pleasurable without thinking.  We see how we want to respond and deliberately make ourselves perform that way until we do it without thinking: then it becomes a changed habit. 

      Brian and I are constantly asked where our accent comes from.  Our usual smart responses are, “Oh, it comes from down in our throat somewhere”, and, “Well, we don’t have an accent, you do!”  Actually, many Americans are shocked when we give that response because some genuinely think they have NO accent!  Accents develop as a matter of course and habit.  We don’t think about how we personally form our words because, in our country, everyone sounds just the same as we do.  If we wanted to adopt an American accent we would have to concentrate on changing from one accent to the other.  We would have to change one habit and reprogram to a new one.  Brian’s brother decided to adopt a very polished English accent in his early 20s.  Once he got it down, he didn’t have to think about it any more.  He had effectively created for himself a new image.  That’s how habits form, whether they were deliberate changes or involuntary accommodations. 

      When our son was in his early teens he decided he didn’t like his ‘persona’, so he systematically changed all his thought processes and consequently started responding differently.  We didn’t know anything about what was going on in his head, but we surely did notice the difference in his attitude.  We wondered where our fun-loving, uncomplicated boy had gone.  We are happy to report that he did actually come back to planet Earth when he was about 21 years old by methodically reversing the whole tedious thought process.  Some habits, deliberately and personally engineered, are extremely hard to break.

      What you say and how you act indicate who you are on the inside.  Periodically, it is a very good practice to consider whether you are happy about who you are and how you present to others.  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Do you like the person staring back at you?  Do you have habits you would like to change?  Are there qualities you see in others that you would like to adopt? Of course, Jesus is the reason for this season and our very best role model.  If necessary, ask for help in changing your habits and developing those qualities.

      How does all this relate to effective parenting?  We have stated many times that kids will model what they see in you as parents.  Why not give them the very best gift of all at the end of this year.  Work out how to assimilate positive changes into your everyday life, and display them in what you say and do.  Then your kids will learn great life skills from you.  Go a step further.  Sit down with each child.  Coach them through the same exercise that allowed you to improve.   Working together like this pays big dividends.  Encourage each other as a family to create plans of action and stick to them.  Give yourselves rewards for successes.  Don’t give up because things didn’t initially turn out as you expected.  Understand that it will take time to change deep routed habits and develop qualities.  The key to making habit changes is: don’t try to make too many changes at once.  Banish words like, “I can’t”, or, “It is too hard.”  Those are words for losers.  You and your family deserve to be THE BEST, so choose to become THE BEST.  

If you have any comments or success stories on changing habits, please contact us on management@forefrontfamilies.org