Forefront Families

Do your kids want to play at their friends’ homes more than at their own home?  Think back to your own childhood.  Where did you want to play?  Why was that?  Was it because you were familiar with all your games and toys, or was it that other people’s things seemed more interesting?  Was it because the other kids’ parents were cooler or gave you delicious snacks while you were there?  Was it because your friend had a gorgeous big brother or sister that you were trying to attract?  I could say, “Yes” to all of the above at various times in my youth.  When it comes down to it, does it really matter where they play?  Let’s consider the pros and cons.

      PROS OF PLAYING AT HOME: When your children are at home and you are there and paying attention, you know exactly what they are doing and who is with them - that is if you have a rule about them staying out of rooms with closed doors.  If you don’t have such a rule you may assume, but have really no idea, what your kids and their friends are actually doing!  With clearly set rules for when kids come to play, your children will know your expectations of them and you can insist that their friends also follow your house rules.  When our teenage daughter invited friends to our home her personality changed. In their presence at times she answered us back and was generally obnoxious.  We could never understand.  Even now she says she didn’t know what came over her.  This behavior came to a skidding halt one day when I popped her on the elbow and reprimanded her in front of her friends.  She had been warned that I would do this, so the embarrassment she felt caused her to shape up before she was denied the privilege of having her friends around for a while.

      So how can you make your home the best place to be?  Create a fun place to come home to, an interesting and happy environment.  Be interested in what your kids and their friends have to say.  Show them you value their thoughts and opinions by asking them about their day, their families, their achievements and goals.  Kids can never get enough encouragement.  Get excited with them and join in with what they are doing if it is appropriate, but don’t get in their way.  Do stuff that the kids might want to be involved in.  Encourage physical activity.  Sitting around cogitating or gossiping is not very healthy or stimulating.  Create structure and order in your home because a chaotic environment is not attractive to your kids’ friends.  Nor does it teach your child how to manage their time or their stuff. Make tasty snacks that you know your kids and their friends would enjoy, but don’t overload them with sugar.  Be the sort of parent that kids want to be around. They might even think you are cool, but don’t create this image through indulgence, compromise or just letting them do what they like whenever they like.

      WHAT ABOUT THE CONS OF YOUR CHILD PLAYING IN SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME?  You don’t know what your child is up to.  You probably don’t know that family’s values. You are probably unaware whether the parents are supervising the activities.  You will be unaware whether there has been any family history of abuse, what the children are able to watch on television and whether there are any restrictions on Internet sites. On the other hand, your child’s friend’s family may be fantastic and they may reinforce what you have already taught your child.

      The answer really lies in you developing a reasonably close relationship with the other parents so that you can find answers to the statements listed above.  Avoid being naïve and reckless by just letting your child play anywhere.  Be smart by creating a stimulating, accepting and positive environment that kids in your neighborhood want to be part of.  You won’t have to try to be cool, you will be.  With Jesus being your example, and leading the life he espoused, others around you will be drawn like a moth to a flame.

      If you have any comments or stories please contact us at: