Forefront Families

There will come a time in a teenager’s life (usually mid to late teens) when a parent can move from the role of caretaker to the role of a friend.  However, until a child has grasped the values and expectations of their family and society, a parent must remain the person in authority.  Alternatively, parents can put too great an expectation on young children by treating them as a ‘pal’ instead of the child they are, when they are not mature enough to respond appropriately.

CASE STUDY 1

Three-year old Chelsea sat in the shopping cart as her mother shopped for groceries.  Her eyes were riveted to the objects on the shelves.  “I want … ”, began every sentence as she grabbed at shiny packets.  Her mother tried to reason with Chelsea. “Mommy doesn’t want you to have that, Chelsea.” 

Chelsea started to get angry and stood up in the buggy.  “I would like you to sit down, Chelsea, because you might fall out of the buggy”, her mother pleaded as she lifted her out onto the floor.  Chelsea jumped up and down and started screaming. 
Her mother could feel the judgmental stares from the other shoppers as she knelt down on the floor beside Chelsea.  “Please don’t fuss, Chelsea.  Mommy doesn’t like it when you cry like that”.  Chelsea threw herself on the floor, kicking boxes off the bottom shelf.  Her mother gave her a candy to stop her crying.

Star Points

	Small children cannot be reasoned with as adults.  They need to know exactly the behavior expected of them while in the store.  It needs to be made clear to the child to expect, or not expect, to get something in a store, and what will happen if they do not behave as required.
	Children should not expect to get something every time a parent goes shopping.
	Praise should be given for appropriate behavior and consequences issued for inappropriate behavior.  Correction need to be consistent.

CASE STUDY 2

Eleven-year-old Joel was his daddy’s right-hand buddy.  Every weekend, he went out with Dad and Dad’s friends.  The adults would talk about all sorts of things, including crude adult conversation and jokes.  Sometimes his Dad would leave adult magazines around and said it was all right for Joel to read them because he needed to learn about “the birds and bees.” 

Joel was confused when his teacher would look shocked at some of the things Joel would say in class.  She decided it was time to talk to Joel’s Dad about Joel’s behavior in the classroom to see where his comments were coming from.

Star Points

	Children are not mini adults.  Their minds do not have the ability to discern what they should and should not hear, see, read, or say.
	Parents should protect their child’s mind from age-inappropriate conversation and media.
	Children learn to respect others, particularly the opposite sex, when they witness a caring and respectful relationship between parents who have a strong value system.
	It is never appropriate to expose children to adult media as a method of teaching them about "the facts of life."

CASE STUDY 3

Mitch, married with three children: 14, 12 and 10, was a busy physician in the ER of a large city hospital.  His world was shattered when his wife decided to leave the family.

Because Mitch was so busy at work, he had not concentrated on developing personal friendships, so when his wife was no longer there, he had nobody to confide in.  He wore out his work colleagues and anyone else who would listen to him about his home problems.  They didn’t have any answers, and often gave him conflicting advice.  Mitch began turning to his children to talk to about his feelings of anger and frustration over their mother and the pressure he was feeling as he tried to cope on his own.  His children began to stresss out because they wondered if it was their fault that Mom left and they couldn't relieve their Dad's loneliness and suffering.

Star Points

	Discussing marriage problems with one’s children is totally inappropriate because: The children are party to information they are often unable to objectively digest and help with. They are a captive audience and cannot excuse themselves when they feel uncomfortable with the content of the conversation. Negative things are being said about the other parent, whom they love. They become burdened and overwhelmed by a situation they can’t can do anything about. They often feel responsible for the breakup.
	Parents need to shield their children from parental tensions and negative comments about the other parent.
	Parents should seek professional support and focus on assuring and comforting their children in times of family stress.
	Parents need to think about the affects of potentially stressful discussions on their children. If these conversations have to occur, they should be age-appropriate and discussed in small doses that a child can cope with at any given time.